Perspective. A word I have heard many times. Drawing attention to how I view things, what I believe about them, what they mean to me. It’s a powerful word, really.
When I think of this word I see the image of a county fair. You know the small town fairs that have all the crazy, unstable rides and great candied apples and funnel cakes. Yes, those. These little fairs bring to town fun and excitement. Often they have a section devoted to crazy little mazes and crazy little mirrors. The misshaped and out of focus mirrors offer many perspectives of ourselves. One shows us as really long, stretched, and lanky. Another might show us as short and robust. Among these mirrors only one shows the true reflection of ourselves…the right perspective.
As most of you know, we have four beautiful children. They are more than I will ever in my lifetime deserve. While I have every desire to nurture them, be their safe place, their home, their comfort….there are more times than I care to admit I am none of these things. Instead my personal struggles that arise in our daily lives do not leave room for comfort, safety, and nurturing. The pain that comes to my heart over these things is at times profound. How to make them see and understand my love when I have yelled again… or I punish them out of frustration and not guidance…. when I quiet them all too soon when they only needed time for me to hear their heart and leave them with tear filled eyes. This burden is deep. It is heavy.
Perspective. At times I see myself only through my failures… my lack of care for them. I see that I didn’t give time there or I didn’t speak the right words to my girl who needed some extra reassurance that day.
But. Who’s perspective is this? Is it mine? My children’s? My God’s? This is the point where the tide can take a turn.
I know that my God is a God of grace. A God of mercy. A God of love. A God of right perspective. He sees me. He knows my heart. He knows me…better than me. What a relief that is! On days when I can’t make sense of my own heart, my own thoughts… He has full awareness of it all. His perspective is the true perspective of me…After all, He created me.
Now I am not advocating for a relinquishing of our personal responsibility to do our best, love our babies well, care for our families to the best of our abilities, and to pursue our personal goals with all fervency. Quite the opposite really. I believe we as women were created with amazing abilities to do so many things…. Personally for me, one of the greatest of these is mothering my little ones. So, yes. By all means necessary, fight to be the most you can. However, I would challenge you to examine your perspective. What mirror are you looking through? What version of yourself are you holding on to? Who’s perspective are you allowing to fill your mind when all is quiet at night….when you are reliving the day in your head…when all you see if your failures and your shortcomings… all you hear is your little one’s requests and needs that went unmet. Challenge your perspective. Challenge your beliefs. Challenge what you accept. There is beauty in failure. Without failure we can not know success.
There is freedom here. Freedom to replace wrong views with truth. Failures with grace. Regret with acceptance. Sadness with Hope. Our God is so able. He is so gracious. He is so loving.
These past 6 months I have recounted many days. But in the midst of the perspective that I am not enough, I hear my God saying I am. So maybe it’s time to check what mirror we are using to look through. Is it making you more weak than you are? Is it making you more angry than you are…. more forgetful, more harsh….. I would dare say there is more beauty within us all that we have yet to see. We only need the right perspective.